“The privilege of a lifetime is to become who you truly are.” ~Carl Jung

Whenever I talk with my clients/friends/ colleagues, I notice that they frequently seek a partner that will make them feel complete in a relationship. Or they picture living life with someone who is exactly just like them. For this reason, they attempt to portray themselves in the most favorable light for their anticipated future partner, either as one perfect half of a complete or as the idealization of what they think their future partner will want.

In experience- both in my personal and professional life- finding the right partner takes effort and a lot of soul searching.

The key to finding the relationship for you starts with working on the one with YOURSELF. We must turn inward and make ourselves whole first before we expect to find someone to complete us.

Here are some tried and tested tips that can help you:

Stop searching for your “soulmate” and start finding the missing parts of YOU.

After my seven-year relationship ended, I stopped looking for “the one.” I decided to focus inward to understand and accept who I am, to mend old scars, and to discover and cultivate new aspects of myself.

Before this, I believed that to feel fulfilled and loved, I needed to be with someone. It hurt so bad to break up with my ex-boyfriends because it felt like I was being pulled away from a piece of who I was.

I came to realize that I needed to learn how to be full. And my life transformed once I began to work on that.

Focus On Your Goals

I began to live a life that was meaningful to me after I began to learn more about myself. I learned to follow my path and I stopped living up to others’ expectations of how I should live my life.

This may disappoint some of your loved ones, including your family. Yet, you must focus on what you want and what your goals in life are—not another person’s!

Doing what is right for you will also put you in situations, occupations, and people who share your values and who support your life goals. Because your soul mate will also be associated with your life path, your chances of meeting them will be significantly increased.

Don’t be afraid to be unapologetically YOU!

This one is tough but it’s one of the most satisfying tips!

You’re going to eliminate those who aren’t a good fit for you and attract those who are. Some individuals might find it offensive, but if it does, let them go.

You can put on the shoes you were meant to walk in all along once you’ve worked to love yourself a little more and acknowledge your past mistakes. You’ll radiate confidence and attract admiring individuals who will value every aspect of who you are.

Will it initially feel uneasy? Absolutely.

But there will be more beauty in stepping out of your comfort zone, I promise you.

In this way, you’ll show to the world that you’re ready for whoever can handle you.

Get real about your dating patterns

You’ll start to see a pattern when you reflect on your earlier committed relationships. You might have seen that you chose individuals that you knew you couldn’t trust to give yourself a convenient escape if they acted dishonestly.

You could have noticed that the people you gravitated toward didn’t have a busy schedule. Perhaps you desired to be the center of their universe or to feel superior to them.

Consider taking a True-Love Gemstone Quiz

This test entails a set of situational questions to which you are supposed to give your honest answers. The questions entail common relationship issues such as how you handle arguments and how confident you are as an individual. The test assesses the type of qualities that define you as part of a relationship.


In conclusion, if you’re wondering how to pick your ideal partner in life, you must listen to both your heart and your head.

This advice is priceless when choosing a mate, so if you’re looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right, you’d be wise to try them out. They are out there, but unless you start loving yourself and displaying that to the people around you, they won’t find their way to you.

Good luck! Things are going to be great for you!